A Mother's Day Sermon

“BEING A PARENT WORTHY OF HONOR”

A story is told of four men arguing over the best Bible translation.

The first man said that he liked the King James Version of the Bible best because of the beauty and reverence of the language. The second man insisted the New American Standard Bible was better because of its accuracy to the original text. The third said he preferred the New International Version because of its readability. The fourth man thought for a moment then said: “Personally, I have always preferred my mother’s translation.” After the other three stopped chuckling, he responded, “Yes, she translated it. She translated each page of the Bible into life. It is the most convincing translation I ever saw!”

Indeed that Mother was worthy of honor - which is what we do each year on this special day! We honor our Mothers. And that is the right thing to do, because scripture clearly tells us we are to honor our mothers and fathers.

In the Old Testament the principle was established by God in the giving of the Law. Exodus 20:12

12 "Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the LORD your God gives you.
NAS

In the New Testament the principle is reiterated by the Apostle Paul in the epistles. Ephesians 6:1-3

1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise), 3 that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth. NAS

The commandment to Honor our Parents is unique in that it is the only one of the Ten Commandments given that comes with an explicit promise attached to it, “That you may live long on the earth.”

You see God takes seriously our response to those in authority over us, and He does not tolerate Rebellion! The ultimate expression of rebellion is seen in disrespect toward parents! Parents are to be honored because of who they are!

Our focus this today however; is not going to be on the response of the children to honor their parents, but on the life of the parent! I want to ask the question: “Is your life worthy of Honor”? Do you live in such a way that your children want to honor you? Do you live an honorable life before them?

You see, no one can make your children honor you, although they should because it is the right thing to do. How you live before them will go a long way toward giving them extra motivation to honor you! How you live will make it easy for them to be obedient, respectful, and willing to show you Honor!

How then should we live so that our children will want to honor us?

Adrian Rogers in his book “Ten Secrets for a Successful Family” (Crossway Books, Wheaton, Illinois, 1996, pp. 89-99) gives five simple ways in which we can gain not only our children’s honor, but also prepare them by example how to live for Lord. The purpose being that they themselves can grow up to be Honor-Worthy parents!

I want to take those five ways, expand on them and share them with you this morning.

How do we gain our children’s Honor?

I. BY LOVING THEM - I Corinthians 13:1-8a, 13

No passage better defines how we should love our children than
1 Corinthians 13:1-8a.

1 If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 And if I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I deliver my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing. 4 Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, 5 does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, 6 does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never fails; NAS

In this passage Paul describes for us the importance of love (v.1-3); the characteristics of love (v.4-6); and the scope of love (v.7-8a).

The Importance of Love – v.1-3

1 If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.

As parents we need to realize that no matter how religious we are or how spiritually gifted we are, if we do not exhibit real love in our relationships, we are just making noise.

2 And if I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.

If our faith was so strong that we could move mountains, without love it wouldn’t matter.

3 And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I deliver my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.

Even if we were the most liberal and generous parents, but did not love our families, our sacrifice and effort would make no difference.

The Characteristics of love – v.4-6

How do we know if love is really important to us?

4 [we are] patient, [we are] kind, and [we are] not jealous; [we do not brag and [we are] not arrogant, 5 [we do] not act unbecomingly; [we do] not seek [our] own, [we are] not [easily] provoked, [we do] not take into account a wrong suffered, 6 [we do] not rejoice in unrighteousness, but [we] rejoices with the truth;

The Scope of Love – v.7-8

When we practice real love, we will 7 bear all things, believe all things, hope all things, endure all things. 8 Love never fails

What are some practical ways in which parents (both mothers and fathers) can express love for their children? According to Rogers, we practically show our love for our families through time, touch, tender care and prayer.

Time

Real parental love is based on giving children what they need not what they want, however by giving them your time you can fulfill both their needs and their wants!! I realize that in our busy, hectic society time is a valuable commodity, but our children are our most valuable commodity! Mom and Dad, your children don’t need things and stuff, they don’t need to be plopped in front of the 19” babysitter (television) what they need is YOU! Another way in which we can practically express our love for our children is through touch.

Touch

I am concerned about the lack of affection I see in our society within families. I truly believe that many of our problems we are having with our teenagers and pre-teens are due to a lack of real affection at home!

Adrian Rogers says: “Did you know that frequent hugs are one good way to keep your children from growing up to be sexually impure? A girl who enjoys her father’s hugs of affection is less likely to trade sexual intimacy for affection later. Hug your kids often. Hug them playfully, even when that teen-age boy says, ‘Aw, Mom’ and tries to pull away. Inside, he still wants you to hug him, so just go ahead and do it. And, Dad, you hug your boy too.”

One vivid memory I have is of my mom and Dad coming home after work and always wanted to be greeted at the door with a hug and a hello! I know that this is hard for some of you. “But Jim, I never received that kind of affection when I was growing up!” Your coldness is no excuse for holding back the affection your children need!

What did the Father of the Prodigal Son do when his son came home? He “fell on his neck and kissed him” (Luke 15:20)! They were grown men!! Look at Jesus’ affection for His disciples! My friends if they don’t get real, genuine familial affection at home, they will get it somewhere else, whether through gang or sexual promiscuity or some way else. Another way in which we can practically express our love for our children is through tender care.

Tender Care

How do we express tender care?

We express tender care through our words

Do you express to your children that you believe in them and have high hopes for them? Do you bless them and comfort them? Do you tell them that you love them? Do you tell them that they are special?

We express tender care through our sympathy

Do you share in their joys and sorrows? Do you cry when they cry, laugh when they laugh, hurt when they hurt?

We express tender care by listening

“Sit down and listen and you will communicate your love without saying a word” (Rogers).

Listening takes time and hard work! Don’t just hear but listen!
There is the story of the family who was sitting down at the table to eat dinner. As they began to eat, Little Johnny asked his mom, “Are worms good to eat”? The mother who had a weak stomach, did not appreciate the question and replied, “Johnny if you say anything else while we are eating I am going to send you to your room”! After dinner she said to the little boy, “Johnny, I want to know why you would ask such a question at the dinner table? Eating worms, what was that all about?” Johnny replied, “Because, I saw one in your Salad before you ate him”! Then the Mom did get sick! Sometimes it is best for us to listen fully to our children!

For some of us, the only exercise we get with our children is jumping to conclusions. Sometimes if we will really listen we might find out that we are wrong about something and they have a valid point to make. But, we can’t know that if we aren’t listening.

We express tender care by praying for them

The most tender, loving thing we can do for our children is to pray for them and with them! It is at prayer time that I find out about what is really on my children’s mind!

So, the first way in which we gain our children’s honor is by loving them: expressed through time, touch and tender care. The second way in which we can gain the honor of our children is…..

II. BY LIMITING THEM - I SAMUEL 3:13

13 For I have told him [Eli] that I am about to judge his house forever for the iniquity which he knew, because his sons brought a curse on themselves and he did not rebuke them. NAS

It takes firm restrictions to set children free, and it is our responsibility to liberate our kids by limiting them! This is the paradox of parenting! Eli did not set limits for his children and it cost them, society and Eli himself dearly!

The Garden of Eden is a good example of the importance of setting limits. God set them for Adam and Eve. He provided for them all that they needed and He also used the limits to keep them from what would be harmful to them. Like Adam and Eve our children will test our limits, over and over again!

They do so because the Limits we establish for them give them a sense of security. If we do not hold them to those limits they lose their sense of security and it causes them to act out in a sense of rejection.

Adrian Rogers says: “Society in general looks upon rule setting as something bad, but it’s one of the most valuable things a parent can do. There’s something wrong with many of the young people in our evangelical churches today...they can’t tell right from wrong. What a job Satan is doing on the next generation. We need to ask the age-old question, ‘if the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do?’ Psalm 11:3 If our children don’t learn to live within limits now, when will they?”

Rogers goes on to say,

Our society is being systematically seduced away from the idea that life has limits and that there is such a thing as moral absolutes. One top Hollywood producer of situation comedies is supposed to have said that it was his sincere belief that for any television script to be a commercial success, it must break at least three of the Ten Commandments!

My friends what are the Ten Commandments, but Limits that a loving God set for His people so that they might know how to be good citizens and good people!!

What are you laughing at on T.V. in front of your children?

The whole point of getting you to laugh at something is to get you to take it less seriously. Is it any wonder that we have such a problem with limiting ourselves and our children?

Not only do we need to set limits - But we need to establish consequences for transgressing those Limits! Scripture is clear that there must be consequences for stepping over moral boundaries. It is called Discipline!

Proverbs 29:15 sums up the thought of many other scriptures when it says: “The Rod and Reproof give wisdom, but a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother” (cf. Prov. 10:1; 15:5; 17:21,25; 19:13,26; 28:24).

The rod represents what we do to discipline our children, it is physical correction.
Reproof is what we say to discipline our children, it is verbal correction.

John MacAthur: “Let a child have his own way, impose no consequences for his misbehavior, let him rule his own life - in short, ‘liberate him’ [from limits] - and neither you nor society will want to live the with product. If parents don’t work with their children to help them be obedient, they will have a lot of this pain the world has. It’s not easy, but we must teach them to obey. And the only way we will ever teach our children to obey is to make them pay the consequences of their misbehavior.”

If you love your children and want them to honor you, then set limits for them and establish consequences for disobedience and then follow through. We gain our children’s honor by Loving them, by Limiting them and thirdly we gain their honor by lifting them.

III. BY LIFTING THEM

By this, I mean building them up through wise encouragement and praise.

Colossians 3:21 “Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.”

Fathers here is the Greek word pateres which can refer to both mother and father and is translated as “parents” in Hebrews 11:23.

How do we discourage our children?

1. Overprotection
2. Favoritism
3. Pushing for Achievement
4. Failure to allow for childishness
5. Neglect
6. Withholding Approval and Affection
7. Cruel Punishment
8. Constant Criticism

How do we encourage them and lift them up?

1. Encourage them to develop independence
2. Be fair and treat them as individuals
3. Encourage them to develop healthy interests that they
4. Pay attention to there needs and desires
5. Give lots of verbal and physical approval

The fourth way in which we gain the honor of our children is by leading them.

IV. BY LEADING THEM - Proverbs 22:6

Proverbs 22:6
6 Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it. (NAS)

The key word is “train,” we train by example. This means that we show them how to live, how to treat others, how to obey God’s word, how to be loyal, how to be honest etc. Where do children do their greatest learning about how to act? School? Church? Media? Friends? Where should they be learning how to act? HOME!!!!
True Character is caught more than taught!

If we do not lead by example how will they know how to live? Training involves both visual and verbal interaction. Your children need to both see and hear how to act! They need both explanation and example.

Now remember Proverbs 22:6 is not an iron clad promise, but rather a general principle. Adrian Rogers says,

“A proverb is a general principle that when generally applied brings general results.”

“It is a short sentence based on long experience”.

There are Proverbs that tell you how to be wealthy. That does not mean that everybody who follows those principles will automatically be wealthy. But, those who are wealthy follow those principles. In the same way, not every parent who trains up a child in the way he should go, will see their child follow the right path. Those whose children follow the right path, train up their children in the way they should go!

The reason that Proverbs 22:6 is not an absolute promise is because it does not address the issue of free will. Every child has a will of their own and must ultimately choose to be obedient and to follow the right path. They must choose to follow the training of the parent. Adam and Eve again serve as an example of free will. God gave them everything they needed - yet they still chose to Rebel!

There must be a balanced approach to how we view our success as parents. I truly believe that parents play a crucial role in the outcome of their children, yet if a child fails to walk rightly, it does not necessarily mean it is the parents fault. If you are doing or have done everything you can to “train up your child in the way they should go”, then you have done all you can do. Just keep praying. There are no perfect parents. Relieve yourself of that burden (there are bad parents but no perfect ones)!

How do we gain the honor of our children? We earn their honor by loving them, by limiting them, by lifting them, by leading them and finally by laughing with them.

V. BY LAUGHING WITH THEM -

If you want to be an honorable parent, lighten up! Now I did not say “loosen up.” I am not telling you to compromise your convictions in any way. In fact, we need more parents with strong convictions about how to raise their children. But we need to learn how to laugh with our children. We need to make our homes places of Joy and Laughter.

Human beings are the only creatures of God that can weep, blush and laugh. Our emotions are a part of what it means to be made in God’s image. As part of that laughter is God’s gift to us. We need to be able to laugh at innocent mistakes, ours and theirs. We need to allow ourselves and our children to be a little silly, once in awhile.

I can think of numerous times where we as a family would just start laughing. One time Debbie and the girls and me were sitting on the couch and talking and we were being really silly. The girls started giggling and then it spread to us. Soon, we were all laughing at each other because we were all laughing!

Again, I quote from Adrian Rogers:

“Make your home the happiest place on the block, and your children will rise up and bless you for it. Let your house ring with laughter. Let your children see you laugh in times of trouble, because it means God is over it all.”

What about you Moms?

• Do your children rise up and call you blessed?


• Do they Honor you because of the way you live?


• Do you love them? Expressed in your Time, Touch, and Tender Care?


• Do you limit them by setting boundaries and establishing consequences?


• Do you lift them up with words of encouragement and praise?


• Do you lead them by example, training them through your words and works?


• Do you laugh with them? Is your home a happy place?

There is a song that Debbie sings from time to time that goes something like this.

“The greatest gift a father can give is a life lived for Jesus..
The greatest gift a mother can give is the knowledge of the Lord...
Pass Him on to your children... He’s the gift that keeps on given....the greatest gift....is a life lived for Jesus.....”

What are you passing on to your children?